Even If You Smile
by Tro-Tro
Summary: Duo wants to tell Relena he loves her except there is one small problem. It is Heero and Relena's wedding day! 1xR. Implied 2xR.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Even If You Smile

**Pairing:** 1 x R/Implied 2 x R

**Rating:** T

**Warning(s):** Mild Language

**Disclaimer:** Gundam Wing and characters belong to it's original creators, Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu Agency and any other peoples and/or companies. This story is for unofficial entertainment purposes only.

**Notes:** I edited the story for the third time (08/02/08). I hope you like the improvements.

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He was running out of time.

Duo Maxwell, the somewhat cocky and sarcastic, but sweet and charming, former Gundam pilot was running out of time.

He jumped from his parked motorcycle and ran towards the Cathedral's elaborate entrance doors. He stopped once he was inside the sanctuary, struggled to tighten the blue tie around his neck, and hurriedly shoved his white tuxedo shirt into his black trousers. After running a calloused hand through his snarled and unruly chestnut hair, he finally inhaled a much needed gulp of oxygen.

"Thank you, God! The wedding hasn't started yet. I still have time to talk to her." He panted.

Duo looked around the sanctuary. It certainly was a nice place: Oak wood pews, marble flooring, elaborate arch ceilings, and majestic stained glass windows. White and red roses decorated the alter. Duo stared at the large wooden cross, which was the focal point of the large room. He took in another breath of air before bowing his head. Duo was never an extremely dedicated or devout Catholic. He never prayed every night or read his Bible nearly as much as he should have, but he still believed in Jesus with all of his heart, and knew God was with him. It was one of the very few things Sister Helen managed to instill in him when he was a child before she died.

_Dear Father, forgive me for what I am about to do. I know I shouldn't do this, but I have to! Please help Relena and Heero forgive me too. _

It was true. The American was about to do something Heero and Relena would probably never forgive him for. Especially poor Relena.

He was going to object to her marrying Heero but not by interrupting the ceremony. He was taking a much more subtle approach. The plan was to get Relena alone long enough to talk to her. Duo had the whole scenario planned out. He was going to enter her dressing room saying he had a message from Heero, and if that didn't work, he was just going to say he lost the rings for the ceremony. Heh. That would certainly start some chaos. But that was going to be the easy part.

The difficult part, the part he was dreading yet strangely yearning for, was the part where he would tell Relena everything. All of his emotions and desires. Everything he had kept bottled up inside since he first laid eyes on the fair-haired girl when they were fifteen.

Duo had to admit, he sure picked one hell of a day to declare his undying love. Then again, if the great God of Death was going to finally die, he might as well go out with a bang! He just wasn't too sure if it was going to be Relena or Heero doing the killing.

Duo took in a few more deep breaths as he slid into his black tuxedo jacket and walked towards Relena's dressing room. Lucrezia Noin Peacecraft stood on guard outside the door. Protecting the bride from anyone trying to sneak a peek of her before the ceremony. Duo gave his best playful grin towards the Matron of Honor.

"Hey, Lucrezia. You're looking very sexy today. Have I ever told you that Zechs has spectacular taste in women."

The raven haired woman laughed but was not buying the act for a minute, "What do you want, Duo?"

The American brushed a strand of loose hair away from his eyes. "I have a little note from the future hubby," He pulled out a folded piece of notebook paper from the inside pocket of his jacket. "One last little love note before they tie the knot, ya know, how these young lover type deals go." In reality, it was a doodle Duo drew of a stick-figured Heero being stepped on by Deathscythe Hell Custom. Duo jealous? Nahhh. Not a bit.

"Nice try." She smirked. "What do you really want?"

_Damn it! _Duo's fake smile faltered. His jovial tone turned guttural and serious.

"Fine. Look..." Where to begin? What to say? "You have to let me in there." He swallowed and bit on his lower lip before continuing. "If you don't I'm going to regret it for the rest of my life." Duo did not know what else to say, but he hoped that if anyone had any sympathy for him whatsoever, it would be Noin. After all of the months and years she spent keeping her feelings hidden from Zechs...She would be the one who would feel the most sympathy for him.

Noin stared at the twenty-two year old's furrowed brow and the determined expression etched across his handsome face. She never said a word but stepped away from the door to let him pass. For a split second, Duo gazed into her eyes, studying her, trying to see if she caught onto his situation. The softness in her eyes made him speculate that perhaps Noin understood his dilemma more than she let on.

He gave Noin a weak smile before he gently knocked the door.

"Come in."

Duo hesitantly stepped inside the small bridal dressing room and shut the door behind him.

"...Duo! What are you doing here?" Relena gasped yet remained stationary in her chair.

But her question did not register in Duo's mind. His eyes were too wide and his mouth too open to comprehend anything the Princess said.

"You're gorgeous." He let out after five seconds of silence.

The young woman blushed. "Thank you... ."

_Ah. Focus, Maxwell. Tell her. Do it. There's no turning back now._

"Relena, I..." No. No. He could not go through with it. He could not betray his best friend on his wedding day. How could he be so callous and cold? Relena was the one source of happiness Heero had. She was the one person that gave him purpose and feeling.

Duo grinded his teeth. But what about his happiness? He had a right to express his emotions! He had to say what was on his heart before it slowly but surely ate him alive. Ironically, Heero was always the one who said to act on your emotions no matter the cost. And that was just what Duo intended to do.


	2. Chapter 2

"I...love you." Duo's heart skipped a beat. His breath clogged his throat. _Shit! So much for easing into it, Maxwell! _

His declaration came out much more abruptly then he anticipated in his mind. He wrung his hands nervously, anxiously waiting for any sort of response from the Vice Foreign Minister. What must she think of him now? He bit his lower lip and looked down at the carpet. It was a nice pale shade of peach. Much like Relena's skin. His indigo eyes looked up to face the young woman after what felt like an hour.

Relena's bright blue eyes were wide.

"But...but...what about Hilde?" Was all she could muster out.

Duo found himself smiling. That was not the exact response he imagined in his elaborate plan either. But at least she did not slap him across the face or kick him in the balls. Those were the most likely reactions he anticipated happening. His favorite reaction, not to mention most absurd, was Relena declaring her undying love for him, throwing herself at him, followed by having hot passionate unhindered sex. Of course, that arousing scenario never played out in the cathedral. It always ended up being in his apartment, her office, his shower, her bed, or pretty much anywhere...that was not in the house of God.

_Wait. Wait. I really gotta stop thinking about these things. I'm in a church for crying out loud! And besides premarital sex isn't exactly Christian...and fantasizing about it isn't that great either. God forgive me again...I seem to be asking that more and more... _Duo cleared his throat and hoped his short mental distraction was not too obvious. So Relena wanted to know about Hilde. The cute German girl, his good friend and semi-girlfriend. He should have saw that question coming. He could not blame Relena or everyone else for making the assumption that him and Hilde had a thing going on.

After all, both of them lived on L2 together for three years, during and after the Eve Wars. Duo would have been lying if he said he did not find her attractive. She was a sweetheart, an awesome pilot, and one of the most intelligent people he ever had the pleasure of crossing paths with. They had even tried the dating thing off and on through out the years for varied periods of time. The longest of which lasted eight months. At first everything was going well, but the longer the relationship lasted, and with each little kiss and caress, the more he realized that he was only using Hilde as a replacement for the girl he truly wanted. It was not fair to himself and most importantly it was not fair to Hilde. So, they finally decided, or rather Hilde finally decided, enough was enough. She ended it and moved out shortly thereafter.

"Hilde and I are just good friends now. We tried the relationship thing but it didn't work out. " He shrugged and flipped his hand upward. "She's living with some guy named Albert now."

Relena looked down. The corners of her rouge colored lips tugged upwards ever so slightly. "I'm sorry."

Duo swallowed and forced a smile. "It was for the best really. It's hard giving someone your heart when you've already given it to someone else." If she wasn't going to give him a direct answer then he was just going to keep talking until she did.

His eyes rested on her face again. Relena's head was lowered, her hands folded delicately on her lap as if she were in silent prayer. From what Duo had managed to learn about her over the years, it would not have surprised him in the least if she actually was.

Duo looked at his polished black dress shoes. He was glad they had their faith in common if nothing else. He balled his hands into fists so tightly his knuckles turned white. _I should just apologize. If I leave now and pretend none of this ever happened, maybe she'll let me dance with her once at the reception, and maybe just maybe not hate me forever. _

"I know you must think I'm a complete idiot. I mean, who the hell am I, to barge in here on your wedding day and tell you how I feel?" He sneered. "I'm a total jackass. Just forget everything I said."

He turned to leave. His braid swaying from side to side as he moved.

"Duo, wait." She said ever so softly. Her voice felt like music upon his ears.

He rested his hand on the brass doorknob.

"I don't think that." She paused. He could hear the distinct sound of silk and lace rustling.

Duo put his hand down. His eyes fixated on his distorted reflection in the doorknob. His back still facing her.

"I think you are very brave."

He raised an eyebrow. Perhaps, there was a small flicker of hope.

He tensed as he felt a slender gloved hand touch his shoulder. Relena's voice was...trembling?

"To be honest, you were the one I could always see myself with if--"

"Heero wasn't in the picture." He finished the sentence for her.

Her grip on his shoulder tightened then relaxed again.

"I wasn't going to say that."

Duo slowly turned to look at her. She was only inches away from him. The scent of her perfume lingered between them.

"Don't lie." He whispered before slowly pulling her hand away from his shoulder and into his own.

His heart pounded, his pulse echoed in his ears. His whole body tingled from her small touch. It felt like fire coursing through his veins. She tilted her head downward but she did not pull her hand away.

Duo licked his lips and released her hand. "I'm sorry, Relena. I'm sorry I'm not the great and wonderful Heero Yuy." The words dripping in self-loathing and anger came spewing out and even shocked Duo himself, but he could not refrain any longer. The words continued to pour from his lips like water breaking through a cracked and broken dam.

"The cold-hearted bastard struggles to feel alive...Every person I ever loved always gets taken away from me. Why did I think this time would be any different? I'm Duo Maxwell, the funny one in the group. Always good for a laugh. But I can't compete with him. I never can. I wasn't called 'Pilot Zero Two' for nothing. God, I don't deserve you. I can never deserve you."

"That's not true, Duo." She placed a gloved hand against his chest and timidly placed her lips against his.

It was a slow kiss. It took a minute for the American to respond. He wrapped his arms around her petite frame and pulled her against him. His plump lips crushed against hers. He felt her hot tears tickle against his upper lip and finally seep into his mouth. It was a bittersweet kiss perhaps out of pity if nothing else, but it was a kiss, and Duo was going to savor it for as long as he possibly could.

She pulled away first gasping for air.

He let go of her and watched her tears continue to stream down her cheeks. He turned and refused to look back.

He reached for the doorknob, opened the door, and sofly shut it behind him. Noin was no where in sight.

The only thought going through his brain at the moment were the words "What if".

What if it was him she had found on the beach that one fateful day. What if it was him that had danced with her at her school party. What if it was him that blew up Libra and was the courageous hero of the Eve Wars. What happened if he had only told her sooner. What happened if he was the one managed to claim her heart? Would things have been different? Would she have loved him and not Heero?

He pressed a finger against his lips trying to memorize the texture and softness of Relena's kiss.

Duo shut his eyes. He felt the hot tears threatening to overflow. But he let them trail down his face.

He could never be her knight in shining armor or her fairytale prince. His hands were too blood stained and his heart too tainted. He was destined to be shrouded in darkness and alone. It was the price he had to pay for his sins. Not because God did not forgive him but because he damned himself. He was his own devil.

He was the God of Death.


End file.
